


I'm Sorry

by TheAlternativeRuler



Category: Steven Universe - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Hurt but no comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-29
Updated: 2016-07-29
Packaged: 2018-07-27 12:21:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7617910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheAlternativeRuler/pseuds/TheAlternativeRuler
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steven knows he isn't Rose Quartz, and he never will be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm Sorry

**Author's Note:**

> After however many years it's been, I'm finally delving into the wonders of Steven Universe fanfiction. Starting out with sads, because obviously the show isn't angsty enough as it is.
> 
> ((Pre-Peridot and Lapis (and Jasper I guess I haven't seen the new episode yet but I've seen spoilers) being around.))

It was supposed to be a simple mission. Just in and out; retrieve the ancient gem artifact thingy (some sort of power-disrupting device), poof any corrupted gems in the area, bubble them, and go home.

No one could've predicted what happened, not even Garnet.

Turns out, a device as important as the one the Crystal Gems were looking for doesn't leave itself defenseless. It was located in an abandoned ship on an island somewhere off the western coast of the U.S. This ship was bigger and more advanced than the others they'd seen before, probably because it was used by gems in a higher position who were closer to the diamonds. Plants had begun crawling over the metal surfaces of the outside, but the inside was still clean and fully intact.

Steven and the other gems were cautious—gotta watch out for booby traps—but they didn't expect much danger. After passing a few corridors with no attacks forthcoming, they let their guard down somewhat. They suspected the artifact would be in the control room, so that's where they headed to check first. 

He really wishes they hadn't been right about that.

Pearl and Amethyst used their respective weapons to disarm the visible traps and alarms. Garnet went in and grabbed the power-disrupter while Steven kept watch over everything. What no one knew was that the device was still functioning and powered on, blocking Garnet's future vision so she couldn't see what was going to happen to her team. 

The device being removed from its pedestal triggered an alarm, blaring loudly through the entire ship. Pearl yelled in panic, Steven and Amethyst clamped their ears shut, and Garnet looked around for the security measures they'd set off.

A portion of the wall slid open to their left. Two gigantic metal creatures crawled out. They looked sort of like spiders that got bedazzled with spikes and gem-tech-lasers. Amethyst wrapped one up with her whip, sending it crashing to the ground without the use of its legs. It screeched and rolled all over the floor, its partner scrambling towards Steven. Garnet formed her gauntlets and grabbed the robot's front legs. She pushed it back, yelling for the rest of them to go. 

Steven led Pearl and Amethyst back the way they'd came, waiting at the door for Garnet. She threw the spider-thing across the room and it hit the main consul with a shattering sound. She ran past him and he shut the door before the creatures could follow them out. Garnet and Steven ran until they caught up with Amethyst and Pearl. The four of them traced their steps as quickly as possible, on full alert and wary of any other traps that might attack them.

Just as the exit came into view, a huge laser dropped into view. It was glowing with an ethereal light, a whole rainbow of colors dancing around the room. The sharp whining noise cut through the alarms as the laser charged. The Crystal Gems gasped collectively, knowing there was no outrunning the blast or destroying the laser before it went off.

At the last second, Steven jumped in front of them, his shield bursting into existence. He could feel the incredible heat and pressure against the magical metallic surface, continually blasting it. Cracks began to form along the edges, transparent pink pieces chipped off and disappeared with a shimmer. Steven grunted with effort and tried as hard as he could to keep the shield up, but it was in vain. The laser was much too powerful for him to match.

With a fearful scream, the laser won out and Steven's shield fell apart, crumbling at the edges. The beam of light went around the leftover bits of shield, hitting the gems behind Steven. He cried out as the laser pushed him back, the shield in front of him somehow taking enough brunt force that he wasn't burnt to ashes. Instead, he was flung down the hall out of reach of the laser, bruised, cut up, and slightly burned, but alive. 

The laser powered down, collapsing back to its former position. Steven's broken shield poofed away as he groaned and shakily sat up. The entire corridor was smoking and ahead of him laid four steaming gems, still rocking from their recent plummet to the ground.

Steven gasped in horror and ran to them, crying and gathering up his family in his arms. The boiling hot stones turned his flesh bright red, but he didn't care. His tears blurred his vision as he tried to check them for any cracks or scratches. He couldn't see properly, he couldn't breathe evenly, he couldn't think straight. 

'They're dead, they're dead, oh god they're dead,' was all he could think.

He pressed their gems close to his body, cradling them as he stood. He slowly limped to the exit whilst hugging the walls and praying that the laser wouldn't sense him.

Apparently it assumed it had done its job; it didn't come out to blast them again. Steven carried the gems to the warp pad, sniffling as he concentrated on going home.

Now he's floating in the warp stream. The gems are cooling down rapidly, he can't tell if that's good or not. 

Steven smiles through his tears and says in a shaky voice, "Hey, d-don't worry guys! We're going home and e-everything will be okay!"

The warp drops them at the portal in the house. Steven sighs in relief and quickly gets to work. He lays a blanket out on the floor and places three large and fluffy pillows on it. Ruby and Sapphire go in one together while Pearl and Amethyst get separate pillows. He grabs a first aid kit and sits in front of the gems as he cleans his wounds, keeping a close eye on them. After he stopped crying, he was able to see that each gem was perfectly pristine, but he still worried.

With everything done, Steven settles down in front of the gems, wrapping another blanket over himself. He cuddles close to the pillows, talking to them endlessly, taking turns holding them and smoothing his thumbs over the even surfaces.

The moon is high in the sky when Steen starts to drift off. He places each gem safely back in their pillows and then hugs all the pillows as close to him as possible.

He whispers, "I love you," as he drifts off to sleep.

~*~*~*~*

Wow, it's so dark...

Huh, is that a light? Over there?

It's so bright, I can't see anything...

"AH GUYS!! GARNET! AMETHYST! PEARL! NOOO!!!"

Is that me screaming?

Oh, it's clearing up...wait, that's me...holding...the gems...

Oh no.

"Steven, why didn't you help us?"

Amethyst...?

"You have the power of Rose Quartz's gem, why couldn't you use it properly?"

Garnet, I...

"You'll never be Rose, Steven! You'll never be as brave and selfless and strong as she was!"

Pearl!? Wh-why are you—

"We'll never love you like we loved her, Steven. We wish she was here, not you."

G-guys stop, please!

"Can't even summon his shield on command."

"What kind of gem is he?"

"Rose gave herself up for this?"

"He's so pathetic. He couldn't even save his friends."

"She'd be so disappointed."

"Useless, absolutely useless."

N-NO! PLEASE! STOP S-SAYING THAT!

"He should've never been born."

~*~*~*~*

Steven jolts awake with a scream. He scrambles away from the gems, digging his fingers into his skin as he hugs himself. Sobs rock his body forward and back, his breaths are quick but heavy.

'It was just a dream. Just a dream, only a dream, just a dream...'

The half-human boy bites his lip hard and whimpers, curling further in on himself.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he whispers.

He crawls over to the gems, trembling as he runs his hands over each of them.

"I-I'm sorry I'm not mom," he says through his sobs, tears absolutely soaking his cheeks.

"I'm sorry I took her away from you. I'm sorry I'm not strong like she was, I'm sorry I'm not brave and selfless like her, I'm sorry for being so weak and helpless," he says, almost pleadingly. He'd give anything for someone to stop him, for a reassuring hug from Pearl, a hair ruffle from Amethyst, a kiss on the forehead from Garnet. Just anything to take away how much guilt and hurt is gnawing at his heart.

The gems remain cold and lifeless.

Steven's body shakes with another sob. He whispers as he cries over the gems, "I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I was born, I'm sorry I exist, I'm sorry I took her, I'm sorry I can't give her back, I wish I could."

He collapses in a heap on the floor, sniveling into the blanket.

"I'm sorry I can't be her for you."


End file.
